Wednesday, August 31, 2016

The Space Alien and The Martian

Flipping through TV channels the other night the Space Alien noticed that the movie The Martian starring Matt Damon was playing and decided to watch.  This brought back poignant memories, since the Space Alien was deeply involved in the making of this film.

The Space Alien might have had a distinguished stage career beginning in Ancient Greece when Aeschylus begged the Space Alien to read for Agamemnon.  The Space Alien would certainly have been chosen for the title role, but for some unpleasant issues with Athenian Actors Equity.

The same was true years later when Sophocles tried unsuccessfully to cast the Space Alien as Antigone, the brave young princess sealed in a cave.

Euripides was mightily impressed with the The Space Alien's reading for the part of one of the gods in The Trojan Women, but that fell through when the producers could not decide whether the role of Poseidon or Athena would be most appropriate.   The Space Alien finally landed a minor role as one of Aristophanes' frogs, but that's hardly worth mentioning. 


Centuries later, the Space Alien jumped at the chance to star in Chiraq, Spike Lee's modern adaptation of Aristophanes' play, Lysistrata, in which strong women deny love to warlike men, a theme appealing to the Space Alien's peaceful nature.
Angela Bassett

Once again the Space Alien was disappointed when Spike Lee selected Angela Bassett for the part for which the Space Alien had so eagerly auditioned.  Upon seeing this film, however, the Space Alien acknowledged that the lovely and talented Ms. Bassett was the better choice for this role.

Matt Damon on Mars
The Space Alien's dramatic yearnings were stirred yet another time upon learning that there was to be a film produced on Mars, one of the Space Alien's favorite vacation spots.  The auditions were exhausting and while the Space Alien, who made it as far as the final cut, was initially dejected to learn that Matt Damon was at last selected for the leading role as an astronaut accidentally left behind on Mars, there was no resentment, inasmuch as this actor clearly possessed the extraordinary mathematical skills (as demonstrated in the film Good Will Hunting) so necessary for an astronaut.

In fact, the Space Alien was delighted when asked by the producers of The Martian to serve as the location advisor on Mars, where duties included helping cast and crew find whatever they needed.    The Space Alien's deep knowledge of this ruddy planet paid off handsomely in helping Matt Damon and the others on location find the best coffee shops, the trendiest juice bars and the most interesting landscapes for background images.  All in a day's work thought the Space Alien, who made lots of friends there and hopes these connections might someday lead to personal dramatic fulfillment.

[Editors note: This is a bit of a WikiLeak because the public has been led to believe that the Mars scenes in The Martian were actually filmed in the Jordanian desert.  The Editor acknowledges that the Space Alien Gazette is taking a huge risk by revealing that the actual filming venue was on Mars, and hopes it will not be necessary for our staff to flee the country en masse in search of asylum because of this posting.]

This Just In!  August 29, 2016.  The Space Alien truly appreciates the hundreds of messages from readers sympathizing with the Space Alien's efforts in pursuing a professional acting career, as well as the many practical suggestions offered.

The Space Alien found some of these suggestions unacceptable.  For example, one curious reader asked why the Space Alien had not auditioned for the title role in E.T.   In fact, Steven Spielberg offered this role to the Space Alien who declined on the grounds that a role involving being carried about in a bicycle basket might result in future type-casting eliminating the prospects for leading roles in romantic comedies.

The same would be true of similar roles in films involving other space creatures.   While some of these films might be discussed in future entries, suffice it to say that the Space Alien would prefer not to be stereotyped in this manner.

Recommended Theatrical Agent

One loyal reader went so far as to suggest the services of a specific theatrical agent to negotiate with producers, and even sent a picture of this agent who bore superficial resemblance to a cat.

As to engaging a cat or cat-like creature as an agent, the Space Alien would never discriminate in hiring based on physical attributes, but feels strongly that the best impression would be made by personal communication, displaying the Space Alien's full range of talent and compelling personal appearance.

To that end, a head shot of the Space Alien is attached which interested readers are welcome to share.