Monday, April 17, 2017

The Space Alien Marches on Tax Day

On April 15, America's traditional tax day, the Space Alien marched with thousands of others in downtown Chicago, protesting the President's refusal to reveal his tax returns, as every American president has done for the past several decades.

The Space Alien marched with great energy, admiring signs and joining in chants urging the President to reveal his tax returns that could, in turn, expose hidden financial ties.

"Show us what democracy looks like!" shouted the chant leaders.

"This is what democracy looks like!" answered the Space Alien, along with thousands of others.

"No more Secrets! No more Lies!

Show your Taxes! Show your Ties!"

What are YOU hiding, Mr. President?

Seen along the March Route

and see:




The Space Alien was 
burdened with guilt

Upon returning to the insanely busy newsroom of the Space Alien Gazette the Space Alien took your editor aside.

"I feel guilty," confided the Space Alien. "because I have never filed a tax return, and I wouldn't know where to begin!"

Your editor downloaded a Form 1040 and handed it to the Space Alien.  "Just take this home, fill it out, and mail it in.  It's all quite simple!"
The Space Alien
Examines Form 1040

The Space Alien examined the form, but soon realized that it would present a challenge, as it asked for information the Space Alien didn't have.

The Space Alien thought deeply about this and, as Hippocrates once prescribed, decided that desperate times called for desperate measures.

So traveling to Washington, D.C. at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, the Space Alien soon arrived at the Internal Revenue Service Building, where staffers, thrilled to meet the Space Alien, escorted their visitor directly to the office of the Commissioner of  the United States Internal Revenue Service, Mr. John Koskinen.

The IRS Commissioner John Koskinen
Welcomes The Space Alien

Commissioner Koskinen welcomed the Space Alien into his office, expressing his appreciation for the Space Alien's honesty and willingness to shoulder a fair share of the nation's economy.

"I'm sure we can straighten this out," the Commissioner said.  "May I ask you a few questions?"

"Certainly," said the Space Alien, relieved to have this understanding ear.

The IRS Commissioner lends an understanding ear 

"When and where were you born?" asked the Commissioner.
"I don't know," answered the Space Alien.
"Don't you know your birthday?"
"No, I don't, but I wouldn't expect a busy man like you to send me a card or anything," said the Space Alien modestly.

The Commissioner sighed.

"Do you have a Social Security number?"
"No, I don't."
"But don't you have a job?"
"I work for the Space Alien Gazette," said the Space Alien proudly.
"Well, don't you get a salary?"
The IRS Commissioner explains
history to the Space Alien
"Of course!  I get a free subscription to the Space Alien Gazette!"

This reminded the Commissioner of the practices that began in 1943 with WWII wage controls, leading to today's seemingly inextricable link between jobs and health care, and he began to explain this, but it was clear that the Space Alien's attention was beginning to wander.

(Loyal readers, however, especially our younger ones, may benefit from reading about this at:

The Commissioner sighed again, even more deeply, remembering with longing his far less complicated days both in the private sector and in public service ( before continuing his conversation with the Space Alien.

Still trying to ascertain if the Space Alien had any income that would necessitate filing a tax return, the Commissioner continued his questioning.

"What do you do if you want to buy something?" he asked.

"Well, I don't need much," answered the Space Alien but sometimes my editor lets me use her credit card."

The Commissioner winced.

The Space Alien's
Headache Remedy
"You must excuse me, Mr. Alien -- or is it Ms. Alien -- but I'm beginning to get a terrible headache!"

"No problem," said the Space Alien.  "Give me your hand!  I'll use my  teeth to press on the proper acupressure point and you'll feel better in no time!"

"Ah, uh, no; thank you, but I think I'd better go and lie down."  (But you, loyal reader, may examine this picture for future reference.)

And with that the Commissioner left the room.

The Space Alien waited for a while and then left too, feeling sad for not being able to help the nice Commissioner and even sadder not knowing how to file an income tax return or even if it were necessary.

The Space Alien, now busily preparing for the Science March on Earth Day, April 22, also reminds loyal readers that federal income tax returns are due this year on Tuesday, April 18.