Friday, May 5, 2017

The Space Alien Takes Time Off for Marches and Golf

The Space Alien had enjoyed a delightful few weeks!

First there were the marches!   The Space Alien joined your editor marching with tens of thousands of others in Chicago, first, as previously reported (Q.V.)  in the Tax March on April 15, and then in the March for Science on April 22 and finally in the Climate Change March on April 29.

Here are some exclusive photos taken of the Space Alien's marching buddies at these marches!
Space Alien's Friends at Climate March
Space Alien's Friends at Science March

(Links to more of the Space Alien's favorite pictures from these marches may be found at the foot of this post.)

Following these marches, the Space Alien, carrying a golf bag and traveling at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, arrived at the prestigious Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia, home of the Masters Golf Tournament.

Caddies rushed to carry the Space Alien's irons, mashies, niblicks and putters, including many antique clubs with which the Space Alien had played for centuries at the great courses of the world, and gathering crowds marveled at the power and precision of the Space Alien's game, breaking course records at every hole.
Crowds Gather to Watch the Space Alien
Tee Off at the Augusta National Golf Course
Relaxing afterwards over camomile tea at the 19th Hole, the Space Alien was approached by an admiring fan who wondered why the Augusta course was preferred over one of the famous courses in Palm Beach.  The Space Alien politely changed the subject, not wishing to embarrass the nice fan who obviously did not know that ICE agents swarming that Florida club would demand the Space Alien's non-existent documents.

However, nothing could diminish the Space Alien's happiness after a wonderful day on the golf course.  "I must do this more often," murmured the Space Alien, before departing.

But arriving at the insanely busy offices of the Space Alien Gazette, the Space Alien was met by your editor.

"Where have you been?" she cried.  "We have so much work to do and you weren't here!"
The Space Alien was somewhat taken aback, but managed a reply:

"Well, just in the past few weeks I covered THREE marches back-to-back for the Space Alien Gazette, and that was a LOT of work!  And after the first one, the Tax March I even scored a one-on-one interview with the Commissioner of the U. S. Internal Revenue Service! (Q.V.)  That was a real coup!  But it was all so exhausting that I just needed some time off to play golf!"

"Time off?  Golf?" screamed your editor. "What were you thinking of? We have too much work to do!  You can't  go traipsing off to have fun the way you used to!  You have a newspaper to run!!!"
The Space Alien
Confronts Reality

The Space Alien answered sadly: "I had no idea that running a newspaper would be so much work! I never imagined the Space Alien Gazette would require so much time and effort!  I miss my old life!  I miss playing golf and hanging out with my pals!"

"Well, those days are over for now," said your editor.  "There's a pile of work waiting on your desk, starting with editing all those pictures you took at the marches!  We've just gotten the film back and you need to write the captions and get them to the printing presses for a special rotogravure feature and check it all for accuracy!"

"But what if we're printing fake news?" asked the Space Alien.

"How could any of our news be fake when you check every word of it?" answered your editor.

"You're right," said the Space Alien.  "I'll get on it right away!"  And if there is any fake news, I'll be sure to use this stamp!

Space Alien checks the Space Alien Gazette 
Happily, this stamp is rarely needed!

Editor's note: The Space Alien rarely needs to use this stamp, but knows it's important to check everything carefully!

That's why the Space Alien Gazette is your most reliable source for alternative facts!

Here is some of the press with photographs the Space Alien took at the Science and Climate Marches in Chicago and generously shared with other media outlets.

Science March:

Climate March: