Friday, June 9, 2017

The Space Alien Accepts a Loss

James Comey Testifies
Your editor had been watching TV the other day as the former Director of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) testified at Senate Hearings, when she learned that the President had appointed Christopher Wray to be Director of that famous law enforcement agency.

Christopher Wray

While this appointment awaits Senate confirmation, it appears that the Space Alien is no longer in the running for this position.

"Uh oh" thought your editor, "the Space Alien was really hoping for that appointment!" (Q.V.).

A Saddened Space Alien
Returns Home

Just then, with a giant "whoosh," the Space Alien, having traveled at tachyonic velocities exceeding the speed of light, was home from Washington, D.C., still wearing a fashionable fedora, but now appearing somewhat forlorn.

"I can't believe it," said the Space Alien dispiritedly.  "I knew I was a great candidate for that job!"

"I'm sure you were," said your editor, "but we don't always get what we want."

"Don't patronize me with your trite philosophy!" snapped the Space Alien.  "I need a meaningful job, one commensurate with my outstanding abilities!"

"Well don't snap at me," snapped your editor, "and I'll try to think of one!"

They sat for a moment, each somewhat taken aback by this outburst.

Then your editor spoke:

Carl Bernstein and
Bob Woodard 
"Look, I know you are the publisher of the Space Alien Gazette, so technically you are my boss, but could I suggest that we badly need an investigative reporter?   Someone to look into the dark shadows of public life and keep our loyal readers informed!"

"Like Woodward & Bernstein?" asked the Space Alien.

"Sure!  Just like them!" answered your editor.

Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford

"Could I be in a movie like Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman in All the President's Men?"

"Why not?" answered your editor.

"Who would play me?" asked the Space Alien.

"We can think about that later," said your editor.

"I'd play myself," said the Space Alien "I'm good looking and I'll be a great investigator!   It would be like being the FBI without the Federal Bureau part, right?"
The Space Alien Prepares to Investigate!

"Something like that," murmured your editor, "and look, I have a brand new heavy-duty flashlight for you!'

The Space Alien examined the flashlight carefully.

"Say, this is terrific!  I can really investigate with this!"

"Yes, you can shine it into dark corners and let our loyal readers know what you find!"

So, Loyal Readers, the Space Alien welcomes your leads into secret doings in the corridors of power that cry out for investigation.  You may submit your ideas via the "write us" section in the sidebar.  (If you received this via e-mail subscription you may need to go to the website to do this, or simply respond by return e-mail).

All responses received during the month of June, 2017, will be carefully considered by the Space Alien and the entire staff of the Space Alien Gazette.    Did we hear the words "Pulitzer Prize" bandied about?